Growing up I wasn't afforded the opportunity to experience what it meant to be "safe." The definition of safe; protected from or not exposed to danger or risk; not likely to be harmed or lost. I was not protected as a child. Being exposed and left to be harmed in the worst ways possible created lots of...you guessed it, trust issues! Those traumatic experiences of severe child abuse made navigating the word safety difficult. It's taken lots of therapy, unlearning and reparenting to finally grasp what it means to me to feel safe. In the past 3 years I learned how people pleasing and codependency was not a great coping skill. I tried to be liked/needed so I wouldn't be discarded or straight up telling everyone to fuck off. Couldn't find a balance and truth be told I still haven't. We're working on it though (my therapist and I). I learned how to create safety for myself while also allowing others that are genuine and intentional feel safe to me. Here's one person that comes to mind.
I've nurtured an irreplaceable relationship with this man over the past 3 years. He's one of the greatest human beans I've ever met. I'm gonna try and briefly describe an otherworldly-ish human to ya'll. He was created with the right amounts of kindness, toughness, intelligence, silliness and seriousness. The man is a mystery to most that don't know him personally. He's like a mirror of self love. Makes you take a look at your self love meter. He's like a thunderstorm you rush to your front porch to enjoy. A whole lot of softness that'll remind you to be soft with yourself. Reminds you to stop and listen to voices that matter. He reminds you that YOU matter. A man of few words unless there's something worth saying. Really cool dude, truly.
It's April 2020 and we are in the middle of a global pandemic. COVID-19 has disturbed life as we all know it. We have been told to practice Social Distancing to help Flatten the Curve and lessen the spread. I am fortunate enough to be safe at home with you. I really thought COVID-19 was gonna come fuck up our quality time. (I can admit I am selfish so you don't have to say it). So far it has only allowed us to spend MORE time together. It's strengthened my love and respect for this man. We've been cooking, cleaning, building forts, taking long walks and binge watching TV. Basically what we were doing on the weekends Pre-COVID-19. I'm happy I get to be home with someone I like. Being able to coexist with someone for long periods of time is a big deal. Especially since I get overstimulated and agitated easily around the wrong people. Being with Patrick is just, easy and safe.